wishful thinking
wishful thinking
taylorswift:

Photo credit: Austin Swift — Las Vegas, NV.

The Day I Lost the Light.

I don’t know how it happened or when it happened. I don’t know if it was 30 days ago or 2,556 days. I don’t know why.

But it was gone.

The day I lost the light was the day I found the masks. It started with wearing makeup in the third grade because I got acne in the second.

Then I was hiding food from my parents who would look and say, “Oh, you’re eating that? You need to be healthier.”

Then I tried sashaying my hips in fifth grade like the big girls because then the boys would like me.

But still none did. I remained in the dark. And in earnest to find the light again I created more masks.

Then the boy I “loved” in sixth grade left me crying on the bathroom floor.

Then I discovered sad music and I was never the same. I found sad friends and we listened to sad music and shared in our sadness a familial, tender relationship that we couldn’t find with those around us. And I thought the light was the dark so I began to thrive in the dark.

I became the one who did not look people in the eye. If we made eye contact I would look away. I became the one who distrusted the world but still wore my heart on my sleeve because that’s what sad songs made me want to do.

I have become the one who may be wasting away my youth because I am covered in masks, so much so that real and fake and light and dark and good and bad are all intertwined and my soul is a wooden block carved into things that I cannot identify anymore. 

So I remain a multitude of masks and I thrive in pain because I am so far from the light that any effort to find it would be futile. And I will stay in the dark because whether it was 30 days ago or 2,556 days ago, a loss of light is all I know.

Get to Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?
2. How old are you?
3. What is your birthday?
4. What is your zodiac sign?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What's your lucky number?
7. Do you have any pets?
8. Where are you from?
9. How tall are you?
10. What shoe size are you?
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
12. What was your last dream about?
13. What talents do you have?
14. Are you psychic in any way?
15. Favorite song?
16. Favorite movie?
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
18. Do you want children?
19. Do you want a church wedding?
20. Are you religious?
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
24. Baths or showers?
25. What color socks are you wearing?
26. Have you ever been famous?
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
28. What type of music do you like?
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
32. How big is your house?
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
35. Have you ever tried archery?
36. Favorite clean word?
37. Favorite swear word?
38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?
39. Do you have any scars?
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
41. Are you a good liar?
42. Are you a good judge of character?
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
44. Do you have a strong accent?
45. What is your favorite accent?
46. What is your personality type?
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
48. Can you curl your tongue?
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
50. Left or right handed?
51. Are you scared of spiders?
52. Favorite food?
53. Favorite foreign food?
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
55. Most used phrased?
56. Most used word?
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
58. Do you have much of an ego?
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
60. Do you talk to yourself?
61. Do you sing to yourself?
62. Are you a good singer?
63. Biggest Fear?
64. Are you a gossip?
65. Best dramatic movie you've seen?
66. Do you like long or short hair?
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
68. Favorite school subject?
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
71. What makes you nervous?
72. Are you scared of the dark?
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
74. Are you ticklish?
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
77. Have you ever drank underage?
78. Have you ever done drugs?
79. Who was your first real crush?
80. How many piercings do you have?
81. Can you roll your Rs?"
82. How fast can you type?
83. How fast can you run?
84. What color is your hair?
85. What color is your eyes?
86. What are you allergic to?
87. Do you keep a journal?
88. What do your parents do?
89. Do you like your age?
90. What makes you angry?
91. Do you like your own name?
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
94. What are you strengths?
95. What are your weaknesses?
96. How did you get your name?
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
98. Do you have any scars?
99. Color of your bedspread?
100. Color of your room?
yamihime:

natedontfly:

They should make an animated short where Carl is lying in a hospital bed and an eighteen year old Russell walks in.  The room is silent.  Neither one of them talk.  Only slow music plays in the background.  Russell walks up to Carl’s bed and sits next to him.  Carl looks over to Russell and smiles.  Russell is trying to hold back tears.   He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Soda lid that Carl had pinned on him so many years ago.  He takes the pin and pins it onto Carl’s shirt.  He is almost balling as he says “Thank you Mr. Fredricksen.”  Carl is unable to speak he is so choked up.  All you see is him smile and a tear roll down his cheek.  ”You’re welcome Russell.” He says with a crackle in his voice.  He closes his eyes and the Heart Monitor he is on flat lines.  All you see is Russell crying.  Then there is a flash of light.  Carl stands in front of the light and sees someone coming out of it.  Ellie walks out of the light and goes to Carl.  She holds her secret Adventure Book in her arms.  She writes something in the book.  She then kisses Carl and drops the book.  Ellie takes Carl into the light and they revert back to their child selves and walk hand in hand into the light.  Then it pans to the book which is open to the page Ellie wrote in.  The only words written on the page are “The End.”  And then the screen fades to black.

THAT IS NOT OK

No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough ❞

Clementine Von Radics (via missdontcare-x)

(Source: vomitbrat)