I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t. ❞
—James Frey (via psych-facts)
The Right Thing
In Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith is Christina’s “person”. Christina goes to Meredith with everything, no matter what, knowing she will be given a blunt opinion in return.
He was my person, and he knew that. I told him. But we never seemed to be on the same page. We met freshman year when he created this image of me as a perfect, innocent person. We dated and it didn’t work out. He loved me but I never loved him.
He hurt himself, so I told someone. I did the “right thing”.
3 years later, the “right thing” is haunting me. The “right thing” made him threaten to do the “right thing” back at me after we got in a fight and I said what I wanted to say. He usually suppresses me but I decided to stand up and do the “right thing”: fight for myself.
He taunts me by waiting in between responses, knowing I am paralyzed on the floor fearing the sound of the “right thing“‘s footsteps approaching me to “talk”.
I am put into the place he wants me to be: begging him to stop. I tell him I’m imperfect. I tell him I’ve changed. I tell him I’ve grown up. And he says I’ve made him lose hope for the goodness in the world.
I was paralyzed on the floor with my stomach in my throat and salt water dripping on paper as I attempted to do the “right thing” that will get me into a good college and he said, “Fine. I won’t. Not tonight, anyway.”
He has all of the power.
He tells me, “Talk to me when you decide to clean yourself up.”
I whisper, “Please don’t belittle me.” And I know tomorrow it starts again. If only I hadn’t done the “right thing”.
"I’m a mess, I confess that I’m nothing without you."
I spend my days watching you, searching for a hint of feeling returned in your eyes. I feel so much now that I’m alone and I know my loneliness is really the core of my feelings for you but wouldn’t it be wonderful for you to love me too? Not love me back, but love me too. All I want is to hug you with a new meaning.